Self-sabotaging behaviours to avoid in your career (and life generally!)
There are four common self-sabotaging behaviours I encounter in my work as a coach (and as a general observer of human nature). Typically passed off as personality traits or habits, they often mask an underlying issue…
Procrastination – are you someone who puts things off, faffs around, gets caught up in other important ‘stuff’ and never follows through on what you’ve said you’ll do?
Indecision – have you spent months, or even years, weighing up options around what your next career move could be, but not actually done anything about it because you STILL aren’t sure which option to follow through on?
Self-doubt – do you often come back to the same idea or dream for your career but then decide you aren’t experienced/intelligent/confident/skilled - SOMETHING enough? Maybe people have even told you you’d be great at something, but for some reason you don’t quite believe it?
Perfectionism – have you stopped and started work on your CV countless times, but it’s ‘not ready’ for job applications yet? Do you endlessly tweak the font and layout, agonising over every word?
Don’t get me wrong, some people genuinely find time management or multi-tasking a challenge, and others may not have that clarity around ‘what next?’. These are all things coaching can help with.
But do you know what the root cause often is?
Fear.
Fear of failure.
Or on the flip side, fear of success.
And sometimes both. Whaaaaaaaat!
We ALL experience a fear of failure, to some degree, at some stage in life. It’s completely normal and appropriate to weigh up the risks before embarking on something new.
When you’re scared of failure, you do everything you can to avoid it. But actually? Failure often doesn’t happen, and if it does it doesn’t always feel that bad. Often, it’s not the failure itself we fear, it’s the reaction of others to our having ‘failed’. We fear feeling embarrassed, or shame, or disappointing someone else.
So, to protect ourselves from the risk of failing, we put things off, telling ourselves we are too busy. Or we convince ourselves we don’t really want it – better to not get stuck into something we might not want, right? Or we pretend we’ll do it soon, when we are a little more qualified or ‘ready’.
Fear of failure becomes a problem when it gets in the way of you pursuing something that is important to you. And if failure is something that worries you, ask yourself this – what will you regret more? Trying something and not doing it perfectly, or not trying at all?
Until you step outside your comfort zone, you won’t know what you’re capable of….
And as for fear of success?
Sometimes we feel unworthy or undeserving of great things. I work with clients who feel guilty when they get a pay rise, because they don’t feel they deserve it. It is not uncommon to feel bad for another candidate when you get the job, particularly if it’s an internal role or promotion. We worry about how people will perceive us. Rather than feeling pleased for us, might they think we are too big for our boots? What if we get this ‘thing’ that we’ve wanted so badly and worked hard for, and it’s snatched away from us, or we lose it? Imposter Syndrome is without a doubt, one of the most common ‘things’ I see in my coaching work with women, and it can lead to an inability to enjoy your success or the wins in your career.
It’s hard breaking away from the pack. Sometimes people will struggle with the new version of you, and that’s ok. YOU might struggle with the new version of you or be resisting your own desire to step into that more empowered, more confident, more successful version of you. After all, we are programmed to not be “too much” of anything.
So, if you see the same ‘behaviours’ or ‘tendencies’ popping up over and over again, and they are blocking you from the kind of career results and success you want, maybe there is something deeper to look at. Maybe it’s not about being a procrastinator or a perfectionist, and you could explore what belief or fear is causing the action (or lack of)….